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Bog Standard

Restroom comedy has long been the comfort zone of your Daily, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and historic moments, especially in relation to football. Readers were entertained to find out that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs within his residence. Consider the situation about the Tykes follower who understood the bathroom rather too directly, and was rescued from the vacant Barnsley ground following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “His footwear was missing and misplaced his cellphone and his hat,” elaborated an official from the local fire department. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame playing for City, Mario Balotelli entered a community college for toilet purposes back in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then entered and inquired where the toilets were, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” an undergraduate shared with the Manchester Evening News. “After that he was just walking round the campus as if he owned it.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned from the England national team after a brief chat inside a lavatory booth alongside FA executive David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, following that infamous 1-0 defeat by Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the historic stadium. According to Davies' personal account, FA Confidential, he stepped into the wet beleaguered England dressing room right after the game, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the official to reason with Keegan. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, whispering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies worked frantically to salvage the situation.

“Where could we possibly locate [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Merely one possibility emerged. The toilet cubicles. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of a stadium facing demolition. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

And so, Keegan resigned, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I struggled to occupy my time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. For better or worse, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, although a German now works in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

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Daily Quotation

“We remained in an extended queue, in just our underwear. We were Europe’s best referees, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with great integrity … but no one said anything. We scarcely made eye contact, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina inspected us completely with an ice-cold gaze. Quiet and watchful” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What’s in a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to take care of the first team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and provided some branded items, I've opted to write and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the school playground with kids he knew would beat him up. This masochistic tendency must account for his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|